Girl Spice: Abuja Wives, Come & Get Your Men

I only noticed him when he stopped to ask me if the ATM worked.Yes it does, it paid me. I replied not looking up like was typical of me. Then he said “Oh Thank God! “, visibly heaving a sigh of relief. That’s when I really looked at him.

He was cute. The lower part of his face was covered in black stringy strands leaving his lips looking pink in the middle of all that black. I’m kind of a sucker for the beard gang thing.

I smiled as our eyes met and then he said “Wait a minute! I don’t always get to see girls your height, Can I call you sometime?

Instinctively my eyes zoomed to the fourth finger of his left hand.

It was bare. Mentally giving myself the “All clear signal”

I looked up at him, smiled and of course, I gave the digits.

The rest of the day had me waiting for the call, checking my phone every minute or so. Just when I was about to slip into bed, the long awaited call came. The conversation was as good as the face .I ticked box number 1 on my checklist.

Next morning another call to politely ask for a date, I ticked box number 2 but that was as far as I got.

I was waltzing through my day at the office in anticipation for the 6pm date when I remembered he mentioned he worked at the same office with my cousin. Now background check is something I do as much as I can, saves me a lot of time and heartache. I made that call and your guess is as good as mine. He was married! The bubbly feeling came to a halt like a deflated balloon, replaced by a dampening feeling that resurfaced every two minutes.

There goes Mr. Beard gang.

I remember the guy I met last month. Something didn’t quite add up about him. I kept getting the feeling that he was married so I asked him the “How many kids have you got?” question. (That is my code for: Are you married? Just so they think I am okay with it and have no reason to want to lie)

That when he started the “my family is in Lagos” story. And so it goes with many others whose families are in Enugu, Calabar, the United states, you name it. Not leaving out the ones whose families live just behind your street. Yea! Those too

Now I’m sure it’s not news that married men seek other women outside their homes. It’s been going on since forever and will continue till the end of time. But then, here is my big BUT….

I used to think they did this to get sexual satisfaction outside their marriage. (Since some men find it hard to stick to one woman).However what I hear every time shocks me and leaves me wondering what is going on in this marriage business and if it’s worth it in the first place. Most of them say they want companionship, somebody they can talk to. This, I cannot seem to wrap my head around. What is the essence of marriage when your partner cannot fill that purpose in your life? Why did you get married in the first place?

Excuse me but I think I would me more offended and hurt if my husband sought companionship in another woman, than if he sought sexual satisfaction. Not that the latter is a better wrong, but if I were to choose between two evils……. I‘ll just leave that here.

Hey! Nigerian women…Abuja women…Women whose husbands live in Abuja without them.

What is going on?

These men live as though they were single; they pursue women with more vigor than an average single guy would. They are ready to be insulted, embarrassed and still persist.

It is annoying.

There are girls who don’t mind and there are girls like me who do. I am not a marriage expert, but I think there must be a problem somewhere and I am really worried about the alarming rate of married men seeking companionship and love elsewhere.

How did you choose your life partner? Why can’t she fulfill that part of your needs?

If you are a married man in this situation, I want to hear from you. What went wrong? What is the “Mrs” missing?